Learn which one is the pickle fork
Manners matter. There are the type of manners that involve knowing which spoon to use at a formal diner, and the type of manners that demonstrate respect and compassion. Both types are important. The former type of manners are important because it is a part of the world in which the successful executives inhabit. Unfortunately, people will interpret cluelessness with respect to manners as cluelessness about your job. Hence why manners are important to brand. The latter type of manners are important because being able to demonstrate respect and compassion are the qualities of a leader, and as such will improve your brand, and come into consideration when it comes time for promotion.
Do not embarrass yourself
This is the most important rule above all. A single embarrassing moment is enough to torpedo your brand forever. The embarrassment may confirm something that has only been hinted at before – rumor may have it that you are are an alcoholic. Saying you’re going to a doctors appointment and being caught at the bar will torpedo your brand. The embarrassment may reveal hypocrisy and undo the reputation you’ve already built. If you’ve established a reputation for working hard and getting things done, but it turns out that all those WFH emails were really an excuse to go fishing, its not a good look. Finally, if you’re just starting out and establishing yourself, a single embarrassing moment may define you forever. Maybe you got drunk at the company party and vomitted everywhere and fled crying from the venue. This will cement your legacy, and not in a good way. So be extra careful and conscious of associating your personal brand with anything negative, negative, or embarrassing.
Don’t wash your face with a pancake
Dress appropriately for the job or you will not be taken seriously. This is more true in some industries than others. Learn proper table manners or you will lose credibility. There is an amusing anecdote provided in this section of the book about a woman wiping her face with a chinese pancake during a job interview. The rest of the interview went poorly because the interviewers had lost interest.
Making assumptions about people you don’t know can be fatal
While dressing well and having good manners is important to building a good brand, do not these same standards of criteria when judging others. Slow down and cautiously observe the people that you don’t know. There are countless stories of blunders – mistaking the wrong person as the CEO and ignoring the actual CEO, car salesman treating a customer poorly because the customer was dressed sloppily, only to find out they pissed off their biggest customer. The book provides a few amusing anecdotes. Also – keep any prejudices or bigotry to yourself. This particular piece of advice from the book has aged quite well. A quick glance at all the people who lost their jobs due to social media posts today should make that quite obvious.
Work with cocktail dresses and alcohol is still work
“Fun” time at the office is the most dangerous. Do not let your guard down. Even in offsite recreational events for fun, your behavior will be judged. Be incredibly cautious. Do not think that because there is alcohol, it doesn’t count as work. If anything, the presence of alcohol makes the danger to your brand that much more serious. People will remember and judge if you embarrass yourself. Be sure to avoid your boss. Spend too much time and you will look like a suck up. The longer you spend with your boss, the greater the risk of saying something inappropriate, especially with alcohol in your system. Say hi and move on.
Offsite meetings are the worst. Often run by training consultants, “the real snake oil salesmen of the business world”, these meetings are driven by an executive’s need to bring the org “family” together. But as mentioned before, work family is not “family”, and is always dysfunctional. Offsite meetings may be marketed as a time for relaxation and bonding, but they are anything but. Keep your guard up.
Keep your mystery
Keep your private life private. Avoid office romances. You have more leeway in the corporate world than in politics. Having an affair typically torpedoes your brand as a politician (Hi John Edwards), but typically won’t cause any issues at the workplace as long as you keep it to yourself. Do not bring dates to work events. You will be judged based on the company you keep. If you show up with too many different dates, you will be judged as a player, and someone not trustworthy. If you show up with the same person and they are well liked, you run the risk of pissing everyone off if you eventually break up.
This is especially why you should avoid dating at the workplace. Of course, office affairs and dating are a fact of life and happen all the time. But you would be wise to keep it on the down low. Breakups can lead to blowups.
Understand that marriage, unlike dating, is a public institution
Unlike dating, marriage does not remain private. Who you marry impacts your brand. “You are forgiven one divorce. You married too early, you grew apart, you spent too much time on your career. But if you blow the second marriage, its about you”. Someone who divorces too many times will be seen as someone who cannot keep their vows, whether work or marriage related.
Do not let your spouse speak for you. It will come off as weakness. Do not let your spouse nurture a grudge against your boss, and especially do not let them tell off your boss. That has never helped anybody’s career.
Treat your boss’s spouse as a proxy for your boss. Treat them with respect and as a human being. Not only is it the right thing to do, its the smart thing to do as well. If you manage to piss them off, they will find a way to ruin your brand. On the flip side, don’t be too friendly with them. There are conflicting loyalties at play here which can damage your career.
Patience is a virtue, maybe even the virtue
Be impatient for results, but patient in the way you handle people and situations. Listen to your colleagues with empathy before talking. Do not go for the second drink so you can remain in control. Do not brag about the affair. Take time to make your boss’s spouse feel at home. Having good manners means having the discipline and patience to stand back and take a deep breath before figuring out the right thing to say or do. Having good manners also means that you have the discipline and patience to become a great leader. Other smart leaders will recognize that, and it will benefit your brand.